april 23rd

a poem about irrational hatred of ray stubbs



really?
answer me honestly
youre not just pretending to be that
smug? even though youre a
talentless waste of tv
unbearably unstylish
bland boring
boring bland
someone should shoot you - or at least shoot me

theres a wide range of people on the bbc
but his is the face i least like to see
i resent every second that he
wastes with his banality
weaving a hypnotic spell
sucking me into his sports-link hell
theres others i dislike as well
but hes a million times worse than inverdale
for whom i can muster up ambivolence
but he makes me dream of violence
or whatever it takes to silence
him and say good riddance

ray ray ray
youre really not ok
and it would make my day
if you were made to pay
for stupidity you say
and your unique way
of causing me dismay
ray ray ray

youre ruining the snooker just like you ruined darts
i hope that hazel irvine kicks your fat worthless arse
and now theyre axing grandstand there one less place you can thrive
i dream about the day you receive your p45

april 22nd

a poem about cheese sauce



you
are just a rue
im going to milk you til youre goo
but i still wont be through
ill keep going till youre saucy
spice you gently and then force
you into dangerous
experimental levels of cheesiness